Appalachian Trail Solo Trek: Reflections from Day 1

by Sherrilene Classen, PhD

One hundred and twenty miles of trekking, 70 of those solo, cumulative ascent of 21,706 ft and a daily average calorie burn of 2,700 - are the stats that are defining my two-week trek on the Appalachian Trail. And although these are very logical and left-brain stats, they do not capture the incredible embodied experiences, creative inspirations, and life lessons that I have learned, again, on my beloved Appalachian Trail.  This time I hiked from Wilbur dam south of the Tennessee/Virginia border all the way to Atkins, Virginia. The trial was tough, rough, overgrown and arduous to walk, to hike, to trek and to climb. As I'm integrating the experiences and making meaning of traversing this section of the trial- I plan to share experiences via my reflections – the first of which I'm doing today.

This morning, I feel tired, and it must be because of the residual physical and emotional fatigue that I endured, from the trial, and that is still persistently lingering. You know – neither people, projects, problems or challenges in everyday life, kick my butt as much as trekking on the trails and climbing mountains. 

Why? - I ask myself. Well, mountains are not to overcome or to be conquered. They are to be observed, respected, revered, and honored as they were birthed, developed and shaped by the ancient, past, and current forces -- deep within and far above the earth. The rocks, stones, and petrified/solidified/ or penetrable parts of the earth; the brush, shrubs, trees, bushes; and the inhabiting animals, reptiles, rodents and bugs- all living in, living from, and living for this incredible ecosystem- are indeed unconquerable, difficult to grasp, astounding to observe, and phenomenal messengers. They amplify lived experiences, dislodge hidden knowledge, reveal new insights, and disclose universal truths—if you pause and allow the experiences and lessons to emerge. 

Traversing the rocks, stones and pebbles reminds me of my own imbalances, unsteadiness and hesitance to move lightly and securely through and over the many obstacles presented to me by life. Instead of trusting the support of the universe- I hold on too tightly, anticipating that If I let go, I will lose control—and instead of releasing that which does not serve me, I hold on even tighter… with the outcome being that most of the time I am dissatisfied or disappointed. I fall short of seeing that life is the river or the mountain path and that the banks are gentle reminders and guardrails of my safe keeping if I stay on course. And yet, foolishly, I continue to “try” and pioneer my own path continuously.   So, until I trusted the pebbles and stones, found a steady footing on the bedrock, and a resting place for me and my pack on the boulder, I did not connect with the infinite security of mother earth. However, in taking a pause, connecting to my body, belly and heart with the breath, and finally shifting my awareness into the entirety of my being, that is when I made a connection with the Earth, and experienced a tremendous sense comfort. This beingness (not the doingness) provided me with that sense of deep belonging – and I knew I was adequately grounded and centered to experience, energetically, the resonance of Gaia. The lightness of being — despite my pack’s weight— the rubbing, the chafing and the physical/mental/ and emotional heaviness started to dissipate as I surrendered  my limiting thoughts, my doubtful mind, and my feelings of inadequacy to this incredible field of Universal Consciousness, always and infinitely surrounding me!

It was then, in that newfound energetic shift, that I felt assured that I have always been, that I am, and that I will always be part of these ancient forces, challenges, obstacles, solutions, ecosystems – and the Divine Power which sustains, motivates and propels all of me and all of life!  

Moving on through the brush, shrubs and the poison ivy- I was reminded that nature provides a lush green cover over the Earth that I feel underneath my feet. However, it also fiercely protects its inhabitants. The pickers and the poison ivy directed me to stay on the trail, and at times drew blood from me and left me with abrasions, when I fought or cursed its constitution, configuration, or core characteristics. Indeed, this vegetation provides hiding, resting, nesting, and investing places for its rodents, reptiles, bugs, and butterflies. 

Rather than complaining about my discomfort in negotiating these peculiar plant types, I realized that this experience cannot be understood from a dichotomous (i.e., good vs. bad; danger vs. protection; aversion vs. attraction) perspective. The complexity of the message revealed by the brush, shrubs, pickers and poison ivy opened my mind to the multidimensionality, diversity, and complexity of this life form. And as I made sense of my experiences- a deeper level of respect, regard, and admiration unfolded for the mountain, its vegetation, and the incredible ecosystem embedded in its very existence. 

I endured this 3,000 ft. climbing experience, carrying a 37 lb. backpack —with stress, strain and exhaustion. And then finally, the descend came, leading me down to the duff and pine straw of the forest floor. The weather was changing, the smell in the air became fresh and thick, the thunder rumbling, the wind was blowing stronger, and the trees were swaying back and forth – with leaves, pine needles and forest debris dropping around me. As my surroundings turned darker, I felt concerned as I knew an unavoidable thunderstorm was developing. And I was alone - all alone. I could visually feel the tension in my body, the increase in my respiration rate, the shallowness of my breath, the rapid beating of my heart, and the eminent tightening of my neck and shoulder muscles.

And then - exactly at that point- a bunny appeared. It was just sitting quietly; its eyes big and observing.  Its little body shivering and its nostrils visibly expanding and contracting. While its countenance showed signs of anxiety - its presence was a soothing reassurance that I have found a forest buddy!  In that realization, my forest buddy and I had a reciprocal calming effect on one another and both of us knew we were protected by an Omniscient Power emanating safety and security, consistently and continuously.  Wau….protection!

In walking the final few miles, being fully present and fully aware- I received my first spiritual message of my solo hike, loud and clear: 

“It is only when I detach with awareness from the challenges and surrender all control that protection is felt, appreciated, and embodied!”.

I reached the shelter, just before the flood gates of the heavens opened, playing out as a dramatic thunderstorm and lighting show. And yet, I still had to complete another 2 hours of chores. These chores, that became a daily ritual over time, included finding and fetching water;  sterilizing, sanitizing, and purifying my drinking, cooking and washing water; blowing up my mattress and preparing my sleeping system; changing into dry camp clothes; cleaning and securing my equipment; retrieving and donning my headlamp;  safeguarding my bear spray; charging my electronics from my power pack; sending a pre-programmed message (indicating that I was safe and stopped at this shelter) from my mini-Garmin to my beloved and dear ones; selecting, cooking and preparing my meal; cleaning my dish, cup and utensil; organizing my pack for the next day; performing personal hygiene; disinfecting my superficial wounds and abrasions; packing all the food and scented items (i.e., toothpaste, bug spray, sunscreen, and deodorant) into the bear bag; and stowed it securely in a bear bin about 300 ft away from the shelter. 

And then, as I snuggled into my wool liner (I did not take a sleeping bag), and got as comfortable as I could on the air mattress and the mesh bag, with my clean clothes serving as a pillow, I looked up to the pouring heavens and I thanked the ONE with optimal gratitude for this lesson: If I SURRENDER control, PROTECTION emerges. And now with my eyes closed, my forest bunny buddy winked at me… and I knew both of us were okay, as I drifted deeper into my night's rest.